{Melinda} As a child, I spent a lot of time waiting. Waiting after school. Passing time after swimming lessons. Tapping my foot after cheerleading practice. My mother, God love her, was just never on time. She was always going a million directions and it never seemed like any of them were in my vicinity.
I don’t, for one minute, believe it was intentional. She would apologize profusely and promise to never do it again. Until she did.
When I became a mother, I vowed that my children would never be left sitting on a curb calculating whether it would be faster to simply walk the five miles home than wait on their mother. I was always going to be available, always on time. This is so much infinitely better, right? Yes, until you realize you’ve become too available, which becomes enabling. And then one day, you wake up and discover that you are actually crippling your children instead of giving them wings.
It’s tricky business trying to undo family dysfunction. I’m still finding the balance. I make a point of trying to be on time for my children. I call or text them when I know I’m going to be late. But I’ve quit believing that being a “good mom” means that I have to drop everything at any moment to cater to their wants (notice I didn’t say “needs.”) I don’t pour cereal for my 10-year-old anymore. And my teenage daughter is doing her own laundry.
I can’t wait to leave them a healthy legacy.
Is there something from your upbringing that you’re trying to do differently with your children? How have you found that challenging?
I’ve been wandering around your blog for a while now, celebrating your SITS day in my head, and finding gems I had missed. Enjoy this day, I hope it brings you many new followers since moms need your words. I love this. I know I enable my kids, do too much, make them too comfortable. Thank goodness Jesus is the one they should follow and not me. Thank goodness they can trust in him because I am failing them at times. Parenting is definitely a faith booster!
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[...] Too much help. I blogged about this a few weeks ago and again last week. My people-pleasing tendencies can tip my genuine love for doing things for my children into [...]
Oh my goodness. I’m (we’re) trying to do MOST things differently! It’s really tough though! We don’t really have examples on how to parent well.
We just have to rely on our *older* Christian friends with children and of course, God’s Word–which obviously isn’t a bad thing!
Not having good examples has definitely helped me personally to learn to rely more on the Lord.
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{Melinda] No matter what our upbringing, God is always faithful to give us what we need if we ask Him, isn’t He?
Beautifully said. When I quit my job and became full-time mom again, I fell into the trap of answering their every want/need. The worst one was them forgetting things for school and calling me to ask if I would bring it. I did way too many times. Then I realized I wasn’t helping them learn anything. I felt like it was my fault if they didn’t get their paper in on time because I wouldn’t take it to them when they forgot it. (My kids were fourth grade and up at this point.) That’s when I changed. I told them it wouldn’t be happening anymore. They needed to leave this house as if I were still working. If they forgot something, they would have to do without or come home at lunch and get it. It was a good decision.
Nice topic. Thanks for sharing. Stopping by from SITS.
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{Melinda} I can so relate to every word you said. I’ve been guilty of everything you mentioned. My turning point was when my sister (who lives out of town) came to visit for a few days and was shocked to see how I was at the “beck and call” of my very able-bodied children. I decided at that moment, no more.
It’s hard to break THEM of old habits at the same time we’re trying to break ourselves of them. But, like you, I know I won’t regret it.
Thanks so much for stopping by … will be by to see you soon!
Love this post! My son just turned 4 and we have started to give him more responsibilities around the house. His favorite is loading and unloading the dish washer {with supervision}. We’ve only been doing it for 2 weeks and he just does it! Love it!
Stopping by from SITS!
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{Melinda} Yes! You are so smart to start those things when they still thing helping is FUN. By the time they think it isn’t, they’re already in the routine!
I’ve found that the key is consistency. It takes time to teach and I’d get busy and then figure it was just easier and quicker to do myself. But then you never get any help when they get older!
So, you are doing the right thing starting young, even if it’s more time-consuming initially.
Thanks so much for stopping by! I’ll pop by your place soon.
When I became a mom, I made sure there will be a lot of things that I will handle differently.
I have seven kids and for sure I cannot be there all the time. At the start it was hard, I felt guilty, sometimes even telling myself I am a bad parent. But as they grew older, I have learned to be honest with them. I told them I am not perfect and there are just some things they have to learn on their own.
Out of the seven kids, three have special needs. My eldest is about to graduate from BS Mathematics and my youngest studies in a Special Education Center, he is speech delayed, has autism and is eight years old. They have their assigned tasks , sometimes not fulfilled with perfection yet aware of their responsibilities. One does the cooking, some watch over the youngest. At times my other son does some groceries,and five of them take care of their respective laundry. Our house maybe a zoo, still I am thankful that bit by bit, they have learned to become independent.
Thanks for an inspiring post !
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{Melinda} Wow. You are doing an amazing job. They will benefit so much from having to take on more responsibility and care for each other at times. You are raising adults — and this is our job as mamas. We want them to be able to thrive once they leave our nest.
Your kids are very blessed to have you.
Thanks so much for stopping by — I will return the favor! I feel like there is much I could learn for you!
Just be there for them. I love my mom but she tried to buy me everything because she felt quilty for always working. I dont blame her for having to work but she didnt have to buy me everything. So I probably tell my kids no a little too much but I make it up in we do a lot of activities tgether that dont cost and result in just being a family.
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{Melinda} You are so wise! Truly. As moms, we can try to compensate for our perceived failings (some real, some not) by doing too much or giving too much to our kids, which only causes more problems.
They just want our time more than anything. And you’re right. That time together really does bond families.
Twitter: mrsbonnbonn
never thought about this before since my kids 2.5 and 10 months old still need ALOT from me! Can’t wait until they are a little more independent.
stopping by from sits
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{Melinda} Yes, you can’t really make them do their own laundry, yet, can you?
Something to think about as they grow, though. I really regret not equipping them better earlier — by teaching them skills and giving them more chores.
Not only does it help us as mamas, it gives them valuable life tools and a sense of accomplishment and self-confidence in their own abilities.
Thanks so much for stopping by! We will return the favor!
Great post and very true… we shouldn’t neglect our kids but we shouldn’t do everything for them either… finding the right balance is the trick
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{Melinda} The older they get, the more this becomes apparent. My oldest will be in 10th grade, so I feel the urgency of preparing her as best I can to face the real, cruel world when she leaves our nest.
Thanks so much for stopping by, Paloma. Really enjoy your blog and comments!