I didn’t think I could get “too much.”
Last week, I had to go to the dentist for a jaw bone graft. Wishin’ you were me, aren’t ya? I wanted to forget I was me as much as humanly possible during this horrifying, bone-crushing (literally) experience. Thus my request for a generous dose of Halcion.
After a bit of pill-popping and several large shots of Novocaine, I was in my happy place.
Although much of the experience is hazy (thank you, Jesus), I do remember getting out of the chair to leave when the dentist asked me, “How are you doing?”
Me: I’m already feeling pain. That isn’t good, is it?
He immediately had me sit back down and gave me more shots of mouth-numbing nirvana.
When they wheeled me out of the office, I was flying high and feeling good.
Popped a pain pill when I got home, hopped into bed and dropped off to La-La Land.
I woke up without pain. Then it hit me: A tidal wave of nausea that nearly took my breath away. Hmmm… I guess that cocktail of Halcion, Hydrocodone and Novocaine on an empty stomach wasn’t such a brilliant idea after all.
Yep, “too much” isn’t good when it comes to narcotics. And it’s not such a great concept when it comes to mothering, either.
Here are the Top Five “Too Much” Traps I struggle with in mothering:
1.) Too much unstructured time. Kids need down time. But “too much” unstructured time and everything spirals out of control. Cries of “I’m bored” and demands for more media time dominate the conversation. Sibling smack-downs serve as entertainment. Blood is shed. It’s not pretty.
2.) Too much help. I blogged about this a few weeks ago and again last week. My people-pleasing tendencies can tip my genuine love for doing things for my children into unhealthy territory. It’s led to questions like these at my house: “Mom, I can’t work the pizza cutter. Can you do it? (at age 15!)” and “How do you turn on the oven? (at age 12!)” Yikes. I’m turning the tide, but it would have been a lot easier five or 10 years ago.
3.) Too much media. Texting. Facebook. Xbox. Twitter. Instagram. The heartbeat of the teenage world. But “too much” yields bad things: Girl drama, not enough emphasis on school work, the list goes on. It can become “too much” for me, too. If I expect them to limit their time on Facebook, then I need to set the example. Workin’ on that.
4.) Too much fear. Parenting out of fear can make me too rigid and harsh. Or too lenient and permissive. It’s based on anxiety about what I think might happen or who my children might become — instead of what is right and appropriate based on the facts I know now.
5.) Too much rushing. It’s not a good feeling — for us or our kids. I’ve cut out a lot of the activities that compound the craziness. I’m trying to build “margin” into our schedule. After all, we can’t really be five places within an hour now can we?
In what areas do you think you’re giving your kids “too much”?
James 1:5 (HCSB) Now if any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives to all generously and without criticizing, and it will be given to him.
Twitter: evanthiaofmm
I often feel like I’m giving my daughter too much of ME, since I’m a stay-at-home mom, and at almost two, she’s ridiculously attached to me. There are times when she doesn’t even want her father to read her her books or tuck her into bed–only mama. I’m never really sure how to handle this, though. She just gets a lot of exposure to me by being in my care all day long.
We do spend a lot of time going on playdates with other moms and babies, so she’ll be exposed to other kids and parents. And we’ve just started leaving her with a babysitter one evening a week. I think I’ll probably want to get her into preschool sooner rather than later, so she’ll get used to being in someone else’s care.
Evanthia of merelymothers recently posted..Top-Ten Tuesday: Kids Birthday Party Themes
(Melinda) Awww… just enjoy these years. They go so fast. Mine are 15 and 12 now and I worried about this when they were young, too. But now looking back on it, I realize that too much of me wasn’t a bad thing. The thing I regret it DOING too much for them instead of empowering them. I was so available that I just took care of everything. And that was a mistake. But I’m doing things differently NOW.
My girl was a big mama’s girl, too. I wish I’d encouraged more daddy/daughter interaction earlier, but I did suggest they go on daddy/daughter dates once a week when she was a little older and that really was a great bonding thing for them.
Sounds like you are doing a great job, mama.
This is the right weblog for anyone who wants to seek out out about this topic. You realize a lot its virtually exhausting to argue with you (not that I really would need匟aHa). You definitely put a new spin on a subject thats been written about for years. Great stuff, just nice!
{Kathy}Thanks for your comment!
The too much down time is one that gets us…..we stay busy (and structured) but every once in a while I need a day to just “catch up” which means the kids basically get free time all day…..usually ending up in a disaster! LOL
Rachael~Tutus and Tantrums recently posted..4th of July Festivities
{Melinda} I understand totally. That’s why summer is always such a challenge for me. During the school year, the structure keeps everybody productive and on track. As soon as the schedule goes out the window, chaos ensues!
Too much advice! My kids are grown and married but I really have to fight the tendency to give them advice. They expect it and welcome it usually, but I need to stop offering my opinion and instead say: “So what are you going to do?” Even if I end up giving my opinion, I need to give them a chance to solve the problem on their own first. But it’s hard because I LOVE giving advice!
Patty@homemakersdaily.com recently posted..Slow Cooker Honey Sesame Chicken
{Melinda} I do, too! And we give good advice, too!! Why, oh why, won’t they listen? But I guess we made our own mistakes and they have to, too. My oldest is 15 and I’m finding I have to pull back on the advice, even now. She has to figure out problems for herself or she’ll never learn.
Keeping all our great wisdom to ourselves is so hard though!
Hi! Stopping by from MBC. Great blog!
Have a nice day!
veronica lee recently posted..It’s True! I really was!
{Melinda} Thank you so much for stopping by! We will return the favor!
Interesting!
Too much! Too much fear… unfortunately!
Paloma recently posted..Tuesday of Quotes and a "Brand" New Collaboration!
{Melinda} I should have put that first on my list, Paloma! That’s the thing I struggle with the most, too.
Twitter: Emmymom2
Oh yes- I have been constantly walking the fine line of too much unstructured time this summer. It is nice and necessary for them to play by themselves at times but it suddenly goes from a good happy thing to chaos and craziness.
Hope your jaw heals quickly that does not sound fun at all!!
Emmy recently posted..Shone’s Syndrome: A Heart Story
{Melinda} Summer is tough! So hard to keep kids productive and out of trouble for hours and hours every day. And boredom breeds bad things in my kids — in all kids! After 15 summers as a mom, I am still searching for the magic formula.
I relate so much to number one. I have always held onto schedules with little man because they just work for us but “play time” needs more structure for sure now that he’s older. He wants to do and learn things not just sit in the floor with the same toys.
Life As Wife recently posted..Skipping Turds Instead of Rocks
{Melinda} It’s a fine line sometimes. You want them to have some free time to just “be kids.” But sometimes being kids gets them into trouble if they don’t have enough structure!
And, yes, as they get older, they want to be more active — at least my kids did. They still wear me out!
HA! I definitely rush them too much. I just told my husband the other day that I really need to stop saying, “QUICKLY!” to the girls. I say it all the time and it’s horrible! I really need to learn to slow down.
Catie recently posted..Dear Baby,
{Melinda} It’s so hard! I fight the feeling of wanting to be in control. And I can control when I leave the house, but I can’t always control when they do. I know it damages my relationship with them, so I’m working hard to remove the activities and patterns that have me yelling, “Hurry!” all the time. Not easy, Catie, that’s for sure!