He would have been happy with a cake and a day at the park.
Heck, my son probably would have been happy with one or the other.
But noooo…. that just wouldn’t do.
Not enough flash and pizzazz. Just a day at the park? How, well … boring.
My son was turning three. He would clearly remember every well-planned detail of this momentous day. I had no choice, really. I had to go all out.
After much thought (I hate to admit that), I came up with the brilliant idea of a marine life theme party — at the park. I bought sea animal shaped sponge stampers, paint and tote bags. Wouldn’t it be fun for the kids to dip those adorable stampers in paint and decorate their own bags to take home?
Adorable.
Nothing could possibly go wrong with that plan.
Until we showed up at the park — which is on the water — and the winds were topping 35 mph.
Any sane mama would have simply scrapped the stampers.
Me? I boarded the Crazy Train. I duct taped table clothes to the park tables, then taped paper plates filled with paint to the tables. Then, I let three-year-olds loose with stampers — as gale-force winds whipped everything into a frenzy.
After about three seconds, the kids tired of the painting mess — and played on the playground. Wow — who could have predicted that? The moms ended up stamping sea animals. I don’t think I made any new friends that day.
I orchestrated this elaborate birthday bust for a lot of the wrong reasons. And I find I’ve done a lot of things in mothering for these very same reasons:
1.) I want to give my kids something I lacked. We all have gaps in our childhood. Things we wish we would have had. But the tendency is to over-indulge, over-compensate. We expect that it will make our kids sweeter, but in reality it just makes them spoiled.
2.) I want to impress others. What will Suzie’s mother think of me if I don’t do ___________? You know what? I’ve learned that I probably won’t even remember who Suzie’s mother is six months from now. But the messages and lessons I send to my children will be far more long-lasting. I have to do what’s in their best interest in any given situation — and let Suzie’s mother think what she will.
3.) I want my kids to be happy! Let’s face it. We feel good when our kids feel good. But character growth usually happens when we don’t feel good. Pain, discomfort is what motivates us to change. Allowing that is difficult, but necessary.
Galatians 1:10 says, “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
I am not here to please people — even my little people.
Because, when it’s all said and done, it’s not my party — it’s His.
14 Comments
Love this post, Melinda! As a DIYer/blogger it’s so easy to get caught up in making it look good for the camera. That is part of sharing what we love but if we miss the event or moment because of misplaced priorities, we’ve missed the boat. Thanks for the reminder!
{Melinda} You are welcome, Marty! I think we all need that reminder — it’s really not about us! Ouch. 🙂
Good morning ladies! Melinda, Thanks for visiting from Sharefest! I remember when your blog was featured for SITS back before I actually published my blog, YAY for the connection. I loved it over here that day, but of course I was just snooping back then, trying to figure this blog thing out. As for this, AMEN…I love that scripture. I am not a mother, but as a child, I knew several of the things my Mother tried to involve me in were because she was not afforded those extra curricular opportunities as a child. Some of them nearly drove me up the wall. I appreciate the exposure but we ended up coming to a balance where I would attend cultural events regularly, but I got to nix the dance and piano lessons because my heart was set on bouncing the basketball only! Long comment, but I just wanted to focus on that one point you made because I feel that so many parents place so many things on their children & I know the intentions are most genuine. Turns out, now I have a health & fitness blog, teach fitness classes, on top of my career as a pharmacist. I was dead on with my interest even as a child but her exposure & giving me a little happiness allowed me to accomplish some other things. I think you sound like a fantastic Mother. I cannot wait to go all overboard & have paint fly all over me for the kiddos:) Funny & Beautiful post!
{Melinda} Thank you so much for your encouraging words, Joi! Yes, I agree that exposure to different things can be so good for our kids! 🙂 I know my kids have appreciated that, too. I just have to remember to check my motives constantly … am I doing this for them or for me? It’s a humbling, but necessary inventory! 🙂
We are so alike and for that I am grateful. If the best we can do is realize when we’ve boarded the crazy train, take responsibility and be willing to learn a different way, I’d say we’re doing a damn fine job! Well done, Mama! Great post!
{Melinda} Thank you for the encouragement, Mary! Yes, if nothing else, I try to be teachable! So, yes, we are quite a lot alike, Mary! 😉
So many times I have gotten caught in the trap of doing something that I didn’t want to but it was for others, either my kids happiness (letting them go to a movie or a party that was questionable) or others’ approval (gone to a party myself that I didn’t want to or did a CF fundraiser that took up too much time away from my family). I love that bible passage and am going to write it on a notecard and put it on my fridge.
{Melinda} It is one of my all-time favorite verses, AnnMarie. I need that reminder daily or I slip right into my natural people-pleasing tendencies!
I would have hopped upon the crazy train just like you did when my son was 3. It takes awhile to learn.
Excellent post!
I think most of the time we are going overboard its to fill something in us and not really for our kids at all if you really break it down. You are so right. A three year old would have been happy with a day at the park OR a cake.
{Melinda} Somehow it’s comforting to know I wouldn’t have been traveling on the Crazy Train alone! Yes, I think WE grow up alot as our children get older!
Even as adults, we experience teachable moments such as this! I have never been a big party planner, and sometimes that’s good…and other times, not so good. Thankfully I’ve never tried to impress with a party, BUT I have been prideful in other things…like when I was the financial secretary for our church. I’d get all worked up about how the reports looked and such, worrying over things I couldn’t control, hoping that people didn’t “shoot the messenger” so to speak. I guess that’s part of the reason I ended up quitting – it was too much stress and becoming too much about what people thought about me.
If we keep God first, then nothing else matters, pride slips away, and we can enjoy life as we were meant to. Sure, there’s still responsibilities and such that we must do, but our focus totally changes and everything aligns like it should…even when we get no credit or things don’t go according to our plans. Love that! 🙂 I love how God takes imperfect and makes it perfect…if we let Him! 🙂
{Melinda} Yes, there’s the key, Julie … “If we let Him!” I am so often the barrier to my own mental freedom! But I pray all the time that God keeps me humble and teachable. I’m a lot easier to be around that way! 🙂
I’m the same way, Melinda, so I totally get that! 🙂 You definitely have a kindred spirit prayer partner in me, girl! 🙂 Have a great weekend!
{Melinda} You too, Julie, my kindred spirit! <3