are our kids out to get us?

My kids are out to get me.  Really.

Let me state my case. You’ll see that I have plenty of evidence.

You know, like when my teenage daughter takes my brush in the morning because she can’t find hers and then doesn’t return it?

It’s so obvious that she hatched a plot to purposely lose her brush. She then clearly calculated the time perfectly so she could take it from my bathroom just moments before I need it. To make matters worse, after she’s brushed her hair, she runs out the door for school — but not until she’s deliberately hidden the brush under her covers. I just know it!

She’s diabolical.

And wait until you hear about my son. Recently, he stayed up late working on a big science project that was 10 percent of his grade. He put all his materials together and loaded them in the car that morning. But then on the way to school, he said he left his data notebook on his desk — at home.

He says it was an accident. Likely story.

Sure, he almost never does this — and yes — after a brief freakout — he asked me nicely to bring it back. Well played, Micah. But, he knew it was a busy day for me. The nerve! Honestly, is it too much to ask to consider mom’s needs?  What a self-centered young man.

Do I sound crazy? As moms, I think we can do this without even realizing it. I can be quick to assign a malicious or rebellious intent to my child’s behavior, when actually, their behavior is not spiteful — and it’s not about me.  Who’s self-centered now? Yikes.

Sure, sometimes our kids are being rotten. They are human, after all. But a lot of times, I think their behavior can have its roots in one or more of the following:

Absentmindness. Our kids can be impulsive. They hop from activity to activity, usually forgetting something along the way. We’re grownups, but we do the same thing, right? I don’t think I’m alone in this!

Lack of knowledge. I’ve been doing things like planning, thinking ahead, making adjustments for so long that it’s second nature. But it’s not to our kids. I sometimes forget that. They are often confronting challenges and situations for the first time. They don’t have the coping skills or tools to know how to navigate certain situations effectively. I know at times I have enabled my kids by doing things for them. Then I’m mad when they don’t know how to do something!

Immaturity. Learning wise decision-making takes time — and some trial and error. And some just plain “growing up.” According the The Partnership for a Drug-Free America, the part of the brain which controls reasoning and impulses develops last. This part of the brain does not fully mature until the age of 25!

Earlier I said my kids’ behavior is not about me. But maybe it is about me — just not the way I think. I know that when I’m overwhelmed, stressed out and overcommitted, my heart can easily become cold. My connection with God become more distant and I become easily irritated, annoyed and ready to pounce.

When our hearts become cold, it can cause our kids’ hearts to become cold, too. Loving instruction warms the relationship between us and our kids and makes them more open to our guidance in both the little and big issues of life. I pray often that God will keep my heart soft toward my children.

Now, off to find my hairbrush. At least I know where to look. 

And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.
Ezekiel 36:26 (NLT)

Share this post

15 Comments

  • I need to think about these other possible explanations for my kids’ behavior. I often jump the gun and think they are just being rotten, but you are right – sometimes that’s not the reason. Immaturity, lack of knowledge, absent-mindedness – those are all valid explanations and ones that I’ll have to consider from now on before I react. Great post!

    Reply
  • This is really, really good, Melinda! So very true. I am guilty of the enabling part, too. Thanks for linking this one on my FB page. Also, I love “Mothering From Scratch”. I don’t think I have been here under this name!

    Reply
    • {Melinda} Just saw this comment, Kelley! I think we’re all a little guilty of enabling … I’m getting better, but I’m tempted to do it all the time!

      Reply
  • You know the hairbrush thing you mentioned in the beginning? Yeah, I did that to my mom ALL THE TIME! Haha, I didn’t do it on purpose, of course, but I certainly did it every now and then. It drove her up the wall, but at least I didn’t hide it in the covers of my bed.

    I absolutely loved this post though, it’s fantastic and so true! It also gave me a little bit of a chuckle. Great post!

    Reply
    • {Melinda} Thanks, Felicia! 🙂 I’m surprised how much that hairbrush thing can get under my skin!

      Reply
  • Oh how this reminds me of ME!!! I can easily turn it around and make it all about ME!! “Do you KNOW how much your carelessness makes me late???” etc etc etc. I could come up with about five hundred examples. And what’s funny is, I know I am being completely selfish when I bark at them. There are KIDS for crying out loud! They are innocent people just faltering in their little journey of learning how to handle this life and all the responsibilities that come with it.

    Reply
    • {Melinda} I could match your 500 examples, Chris! Have to fight this all. the. time. 🙂

      Reply
  • {Melinda} I think your comment was more beautifully said than my post, Julie! 🙂 Yes, I so often expect my kids to be mindreaders. Or to know something just because they are a certain age. But what if I haven’t taught them? How are they supposed to know it?

    Love what you said at the end … they absolutely do deserve the same measure of grace that we want bestowed on us.

    Thanks for yet another awesome comment, Julie!

    Reply
  • Great post. Isn’t it so true how we do this as mothers? I need to be a better job checking myself on this, because I totally find myself blaming my kids for stuff that is not their fault.-Ashley

    Reply
    • {Melinda} I’m with you, Ashley. I try to be aware of it, but when I’m stressed or in a hurry, I don’t take the time to think it out. I just react!

      Reply
  • LOVE the post… and so true. We are human and just need reminders. I forget that my son wants to be just like us and wants to be indpenedent. I have to remember that all the time

    Reply
    • {Melinda} It really does take a deliberate effort to get out of our adult mind and think like a kid or a teen. It helps so much when I remember to do that!

      Reply
  • Oh, the tangled webs we weave! We forget that everything we do now we learned. We do things by instinct now that took hours and hours of practice to learn. We forget that not everyone sees things like we do, not everyone is where we are in life, and that no one can no how to do anything unless they are taught how to do it.

    Also, normally our communication skills are not what they should be. How on earth can they know if this or that is not acceptable if we don’t tell them? How will they know that we want things a certain way if we don’t tell them? How will they know anything about us if we don’t share? Just because I know what I’m thinking doesn’t mean they do, no matter how obvious it seems to me. We’d save ourselves a lot of heartache if we’d not only stop assuming about them but also stop assuming they know us like we think they should. You’d be surprised how much people don’t know about you that you’d think was obvious.

    Love this post on so many levels. Thank you for sharing it! It is a great reminder that our kids aren’t out to get us – they are just as absent-minded as we are, need time to grow and learn, need more help in understanding our needs/wants and visa versa, and they deserve the same measure of grace that we do.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

i’m melinda

I PROVIDE WOMEN WITH RESOURCES FOR HEALING AND WHOLENESS

I’m a woman who was radically changed when the God I thought I knew since childhood opened my eyes to the overwhelming depth of His love for me. I love speaking, writing, and pointing women to the Father so they can experience for themselves the healing power of His incredible, captivating love.

search the site

Wedding Photos

I HELP CREATIVES BUILD BUSINESSES THEY LOVE

Quisque maximus nibh nec ante vulputate aliquet. Aliquam aliquet nisi facilisis, aliquet sem non, 

featured posts

post categories

popular posts

Subscribe to my website for occasional emails with encouraging and healing articles and other valuable resources.When you do, you’ll receive an email with the links to six beautiful FREE Scripture printables!

Scroll to Top